Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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