In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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