You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
