quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
