Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
