what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.