it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.