I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i need some magic done to my vagina
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
