i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
