oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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