i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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