The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
