i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
