I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
