Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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