is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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