Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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