so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
