Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
