The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
