Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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