Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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