i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
