At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
