I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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