I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
