I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
They are going to name an STD after you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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