why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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