I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
