I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
