you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
