i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
