I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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