so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
