We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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