just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
