is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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