I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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