You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
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The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize