I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
