genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.