Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

doesn't he have a GF?

(248): View more from Michigan

that just means you have to try harder.

(248): View more from Michigan

i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...

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(330): View more from Ohio

You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions

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(734): View more from Michigan

wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer

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(310): View more from California

So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(707): View more from California

I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.

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(206): View more from Washington

My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.

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(971): View more from Oregon

just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..

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