No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.