Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.