whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.