smell my finger.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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