i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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