I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
