party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
