Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
