Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
