Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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