Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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