At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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