dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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