with your own penis?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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