so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
