she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
