the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
