I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
