My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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