i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
