So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
