I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i believe in u and ur pee
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize