Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
