just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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